Most of our episodes are about job offers, compensation, and business deals. Our latest podcast episode of Gentle Power (YouTube | Spotify | Apple) took a slightly different route: power in love and dating.

Not in the cringe way people sometimes hear the word “negotiation” in relationships, as in strong-arming someone into what you want. More in the human dynamics way. The stuff that shows up in every relationship, professional or personal.

The big theme we kept circling was a little counterintuitive.

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Vulnerability feels like weakness but it’s actually a strong marker of power

A lot of people treat vulnerability like a cost. As soon as you show interest, make a move, or say what you want, you feel like you handed the other person leverage.

We don’t buy that.

If you ask someone out and they say no, what did you actually lose? You still have the same life, the same friends, the same abilities, the same values. Nothing real got taken from you.

The only thing that changed is you now have information.

And there is something powerful about being the kind of person who can say, “I like you. Want to go out?” while also being okay with either answer. That’s not weakness. That’s actually power.

A helpful distinction we landed on was this.

Being open is different from being exposed.

Open is “I like you.”

Exposed is “I like you and if you don’t say yes I will emotionally collapse right in front of you or as soon as you leave.”

Most people fear the first because they’re imagining the second.

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Rejection and silence are not proof of your worth

We also talked about the specific fear people have around being ignored.

You text. No reply. Now your brain starts chastising you and making you feel bad about yourself.

But if we look at the facts, their silence doesn’t magically remove your power. It doesn’t make you smaller. It just means one of a few things.

• Maybe they're rude.
• Maybe they're overwhelmed.
• Maybe they don’t communicate well.
• Maybe they're not interested.

None of those outcomes is a verdict on your value. It’s just data about fit.

This is the same mental move we ask job seekers to make too. Applying to a company doesn’t mean you’re unemployable. Asking someone out doesn’t mean you have no options. It means you saw something you wanted to explore and you went for it.

That’s it. You can get other dates. You can get other jobs.

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If you want closeness, stop trying to “look cool”

One of the biggest misconceptions we see in our circles is people trying to preserve power by playing it cool.

No text first.

No clear interest.

No risk.

But if your strategy is “avoid discomfort at all costs,” you’re not protecting power. You’re protecting your ego. And if your ego is so fragile that it needs protecting, that’s the real vulnerability in the system.

We kept coming back to this idea.

The move itself is the power signal.

Someone who can put themselves out there is implicitly saying, “Even if this goes sideways, I’ll be okay.” That’s the energy people read as confidence.

Not the perfectly timed reply. Not the curated detachment. Not the pretending you do not care.

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People will like you more if you ask them for a favor - the Ben Franklin effect

We brought up a favorite psychological story: Benjamin Franklin had a rival and wanted to soften the relationship. Instead of doing the rival a favor, he asked the rival for one, borrowing from the rival a rare book.

Counterintuitive, right? If you ask for something, you would think you lose status.

But the opposite happened. The rival became warmer towards Ben.

The explanation we talked through was cognitive dissonance. If I think I dislike you, but I also did you a favor, my brain wants the story to make sense. One easy resolution is, “Maybe I actually like this person.”

Surface takeaway: asking for a small favor can increase warmth.

Deeper takeaway: our cultural scripts about power are often backwards. Sometimes the thing that feels risky is the thing that creates connection, and may even communicate power.

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A few fun body language tricks - don’t use these at home

We also went on a few side quests. Use these as fun little observations, not stat-sig data points.

One was: in a group, when someone makes a joke, they often look first at the person whose reaction matters most to them.

Another was: people tend to orient their feet or body toward the person they are most into.

Again, context matters a lot. If your crush but also your boss are both in the room, you may look at your boss first because of hierarchy. People sometimes point their feet toward the door because they want to leave, or towards the person they’re talking to. People fold their arms because they’re chilly or because their elbow hurts. Don’t build a love life on ankle geometry.

But as small inputs, they can be entertaining.

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Closing thought

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this:

You’re more powerful when you put your heart on the table because you’re saying you’ll be fine even if you get rejected, even if it gets crushed.

Listen to the full conversation here: YouTube | Spotify | Apple​

Best,

Gerta & Alex
​Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com

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P.S. Are you job searching or have upcoming negotiations?

Book a free call with us, where we’ll learn more about your situation, offer some free tips, and explore if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call​

P.P.S. Know someone who could use our help?

Refer them and earn $500.

We’ve paid out thousands to people who just made a simple intro. If your friend becomes a client, we’ll send you $500 - no strings attached; just our way of saying thank you for spreading the word.

Simply send an intro email to alex@yournegotiations.com and your friend.

See all the details of our referral program on our website here.