We blame Hollywood for branding negotiations as an intense, zero-sum power play. Many people imagine having to channel a buttoned up lawyer like Harvey Specter from the TV show Suits or a calculated, stoic CEO in a boardroom meeting.

But most real-world negotiations are a lot less dramatic. In fact, we argue that you generally achieve the most optimal negotiation outcomes if you approach them with collaboration, goodwill, and even creativity.

In this week’s episode of Gentle Power (YouTube | Spotify | Apple), we’re revisiting Gerta’s interview that originally aired on the Powerful Stuff Podcast with Meredith Baker. Her points make the case for a different approach when it comes to negotiations: collaborative, lightly strategic, and rooted in the kind of confidence that doesn’t need a raised voice or hardline tactics.

Here are some highlights you can carry into your next conversation, even if you’re not actively negotiating a job offer today:

Negotiating is often just… asking (nicely)

One of Gerta’s earliest wins came when she had “no leverage” and still negotiated her first job out of college. At a glance, it would have been easy to assume that the company held all the power and asking for more could backfire, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t hurt to ask nicely. Plus, both sides are better off when employees are happy. In Gerta’s case, she simply asked for:

• An extra week of vacation (she was given 2 weeks off per year and visiting family in Albania involves a lot of travel time and recovering from jetlag)
• A higher salary (because why not ask?)

And she got both!

The bigger point: a lot of “rules” are just defaults or norms that nobody thought to question, and these norms naturally advantage employers because job seekers will often defer their power by assuming these norms are standard procedure. This pattern becomes self-reinforcing over time because by not questioning these rules, employers gain more assumed leverage in the job negotiation.

For example, we see over and over again job seekers voluntarily telling a company their preferred salary or range. Why? Because the company asked for it! But just because they asked doesn’t mean you need to give it up.

And similar to asking for more nicely, if you tactfully deflect sharing information like your preferred number/range nicely, you’ll preserve your leverage.

Playing “hard to get” is not the move. Collaboration wins.

One of the most important mindset shifts we suggest is to stop treating negotiation like a standoff. Instead, assume you and the other side are on the same team trying to make a deal work.

In job offers, that can look like trading what you can offer for what they can offer: maybe they need someone to start asap, and you want higher comp. That can be a real trade if you bring it up the right way.

Also, don’t take early reactions personally. Some people overreact to a polite ask. If they withdraw an offer because you said, “is there any flexibility here?”, that says a lot about the company’s practices and you have dodged a bullet.

Start with your priorities, not your scripts

Before you start negotiating, we recommend doing on your own something boring but effective: list your priorities, in order.

Because “more money” is not always the top priority, even when people think it is.

For many candidates, the real non-negotiables can be, amongst other things:

• Title (people may want to hold on to their status)
• Remote or hybrid flexibility
• Commute and lifestyle fit
• Team culture and scope

Mark what is truly non-negotiable and bring it up early, especially in a market where companies sometimes “adjust” the role between posting and offer.

Also, a quiet power move: ask these as questions (“What’s your work-from-home policy?”) instead of ultimatums (“I only work remotely.”). Same message, very different demeanor.

What can we learn from decision science and poker? How to handle a “no” better.

Meredith asked if there are ways to get more desensitized to rejection in negotiations. And Gerta talked about “resulting”.

In her book Thinking in Bets, decision strategist and former poker champion Annie Duke defines “resulting” as the cognitive bias of judging the quality of a decision based solely on its outcome.

Gerta mentioned using this concept, as well as expected value, to prepare for negotiations. For example, if you get a lot of value out of getting a yes when you ask for something, while the cost of getting a no is simply some discomfort, then the expected value indicates you should ask. And “resulting” tells you that even if you get a no, it doesn’t mean it was the wrong move. We should judge the quality of a decision based on the information we had at the time of making it, not based on the outcome.

Negotiation gets easier when you stop treating “no” as proof you did something wrong. You can make a good ask and still hear no. That doesn’t mean you misplayed, it just means you played.

And sometimes, that’s the whole win: becoming the kind of person who asks.

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Listen to the full episode here: YouTube | Spotify | Apple​

And to learn more about Meredith: Website | Instagram | Powerful Stuff Podcast​

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Warmly,

Gerta & Alex
​Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com

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P.S. Are you job searching or have upcoming negotiations?

Book a free call with us, where we’ll learn more about your situation, offer some free tips, and explore if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call​

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