Hi friends,
On this week’s episode of the Gentle Power podcast (YouTube | Spotify | Apple), we covered how to handle something that everyone in the job search encounters sooner or later:
When you’re treated disrespectfully.
We’ve all been there: You’re deep in the process with multiple companies. You’ve invested hours of time and energy into prepping for interviews. You’re tired and can’t wait to reach the end of the process.
Then someone on the other side says something that lands wrong. A recruiter sounds dismissive. An email response feels curt. A comment comes across as aggressive or disrespectful.
When that happens, it feels personal. You instinctively (and probably angrily) start wondering: Don’t they realize how much time I’ve put into these interviews? Can’t they see the value I bring to the table? I don’t have time to put up with this.
These reactions are understandable. They’re also where negotiations can quietly go sideways.
How should you approach dealing with disrespect? Listen to our full conversation here (YouTube | Spotify | Apple), and as always, sharing some takeaways below.
Kick Off 2026 Strong: Live Q&A (+ free gift for attendees)
Quick PSA: We’re hosting our first negotiation Q&A of 2026 next Wednesday, January 28th at 12pm PT. This is your chance to get live input and real-time feedback from us on all your negotiation questions as we kick off the new year.
We’ll also be sharing a special gift with everyone who attends 😉
RSVP here, and feel free to forward this to anyone who could benefit: https://luma.com/tgz36527
Treat early disrespect as a data point, not a verdict.
When someone comes off rude or dismissive, our instinct is to immediately label it as a pattern. We default to, “This recruiter is terrible, this company treats others poorly, this will be my experience if I work at this company.”
But early interactions are often noisy. People are human, recruiters are under pressure, hiring processes are messy. Sometimes someone is just having an off day.
From a negotiation standpoint, assuming bad intent too early shuts down optionality. It changes how you show up, often without you realizing it.
The stronger move is to mentally log the interaction and keep going. One interaction is not a pattern. It’s just an initial data point.
Especially if you’re applying to large companies, like Meta, Amazon, or (insert any publicly traded company), remember that these companies have hundreds, sometimes thousands, of recruiters. Are you going to let a single employee color your perception of an entire organization?
Staying calm retains your leverage
We’re not suggesting you smile through anything or tolerate poor treatment indefinitely. The point is more tactical.
When someone is curt or abrasive, most people will feel a fight or fawn response. They may feel a push to fight fire with fire and respond in kind. Or they may shrink into themselves and acquiesce to the aggressiveness of the other party.
But when you don’t fight or fawn, and instead respond in a cool and collected manner, it creates contrast. You signal composure, confidence, and unshakeability. You also keep the interaction from escalating in ways that can hurt you later.
Especially in job negotiations, the person you’re speaking with (typically the recruiter or hiring manager) is often in a position to advocate for you behind closed doors. They relay their impressions and color how you’re perceived by the decision makers. Even small moments of defensiveness or irritation can get amplified in that retelling.
Keeping your side of the interaction polite and professional is less about being agreeable, and more about protecting how you’re represented when you’re not in the room.
Your tone reveals your competence
Not every sharp interaction is intentional, but some are revealing. Pressure has a way of surfacing how people actually operate. When things feel tense or awkward, how you respond signals how you’ll handle pressure in the actual role.
We’ve seen many cases where someone holds their ground calmly, without getting reactive, and the other side recognizes it. Sometimes they even acknowledge it directly. There’s a meta layer in negotiations where people notice how you play the game, not just what you ask for.
This is similar to moments where a recruiter repeatedly pressures someone to give a salary number. The pressure itself isn’t the point, the response is. When you stay steady and tactfully deflect, people often realize you know what you’re doing.
One employee’s behavior is not always the whole company
As mentioned above, it’s tempting to let one poor interaction define how you see an entire organization. Sometimes that’s fair. Often, it’s not.
In large companies, you may never work with that recruiter again. They’re not your manager, your peer, or your stakeholder. Even in smaller companies, recruiting processes are sometimes under-resourced or rushed in ways that don’t reflect the actual team you would join.
It’s usually more useful to zoom out and look at the full set of data points. How were the hiring manager conversations? The peer interviews? The work itself? One awkward or frustrating interaction should be weighed, but not over-weighted.
Disrespect in negotiations feels personal, but responding to it effectively is mostly about discipline. Assume best intent at first, log early negative interactions as data points but not patterns, and remain steady. Let patterns reveal themselves over the whole process before you draw conclusions.
Listen to our full convo about this here: YouTube | Spotify | Apple
Best,
Gerta & Alex
Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com
P.S. Are you job searching or have upcoming negotiations?
Book a free call with us, where we’ll learn more about your situation, offer some free tips, and explore if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call
P.P.S. Know someone who could use our help?
Refer them and earn $500.
We’ve paid out thousands to people who just made a simple intro. If your friend becomes a client, we’ll send you $500 - no strings attached; just our way of saying thank you for spreading the word.
Simply send an intro email to alex@yournegotiations.com and your friend.
See all the details of our referral program on our website here.
