We’ve been traveling recently for work and personal reasons, but that doesn’t mean things slow down with YourNegotiations.com! As bootstrapped founders, we’re often training the muscles to keep things moving forward while on the move (Alex yesterday even took a call with a prospective client while standing on top of the tallest mountain range in South Korea!), and that was definitely the case with our recent recordings of the Gentle Power podcast.

We recorded our upcoming episodes while en route between NYC and Asia at our friend’s home, who generously offered to let us rest at his apartment during our 12-hour layover.

For this week, we covered how to approach a very common scenario that many people find themselves in: How to (and do I even) negotiate an offer when I was referred?

When the opportunity comes through a referral from a friend, former co-worker, or old boss, many people feel hesitant to negotiate when they get the offer. They feel that by negotiating, they’ll make things awkward, come off looking ungrateful to their referrer, break goodwill, and impact their relationship.

Many opportunities come from our personal and professional networks, but that familiarity can make people second-guess how assertive to be. We addressed how to handle all this in this week’s episode (YouTube | Spotify | Apple). Sharing the important takeaways below:
​

1. Keep a pulse on your market value

Even if you’re not job hunting, stay connected to recruiters or peers in your industry. Initial exploratory conversations help you understand your market value and keep leverage alive. Knowing what roles are being opened, what skills are being prioritized, and what compensation packages look like keep you consistently anchored to the reality of the market, rather than being left guessing when the stakes are high.

We often see people lose leverage simply because they’ve been in one role for too long without testing the waters. And by not having multiple opportunities in play once they are looking for new roles (even just exploratory conversations), they’re losing a lot of leverage in their conversation with employers.

​
​

2. Treat referrals as opportunities, not obligations

The person who referred you believes you may be a good fit, but that doesn’t mean you owe them a “yes” to the offer, just as they can’t promise that you’ll get the offer. Until a job offer is accepted, both sides are simply exploring whether it’s a right match. Think of it like any other business relationship: it remains open-ended until a deal is signed.

A referral is a vote of confidence, not a binding favor that you owe back. The best way to honor that vote is by showing up prepared, excited, and thoughtful throughout the process, even if the final decision is to walk away.

To reinforce the point, this is similar to dating: just because your friend introduced you to a mutual friend for a first date, that doesn’t mean you owe your friend a promise of marriage to the mutual!

​

3. Negotiate with gratitude and calm

You don’t need to push hard to negotiate well. A polite tone and clear reasoning are far more effective. Thank the person for the offer, express genuine excitement, and then move to specifics. You can still make clear, confident requests without losing enthusiasm, and when done this way, your counterpart can feel like you’re collaborating to find a win-win rather than making demands.

Note that most people remember how you negotiate more than what you negotiate for. A cordial, calm, and professional demeanor signals confidence and maturity, and tells the other side that you’ll bring the same steadiness to the job itself. Maintaining this demeanor throughout the process minimizes potential awkward moments and can even present opportunities to strengthen mutual respect.

​

4. Remember every negotiation is about fit

Regardless of whether you came in through a referral, a recruiter, or a cold application, the underlying question is always the same: do both sides genuinely fit? You’re trying to see if the goals, values, and expectations align well enough to create a sustainable working relationship, not to “win” or outsmart anyone. That’s why it’s okay to take your time, ask questions, and clarify details, even if a friend helped get you in the door.

When you treat negotiations as an assessment of mutual fit rather than a tug-of-war, you naturally show up more grounded and professional. Focus on finding a win-win agreement that leaves everyone better off (which is the foundation of every good deal).

​

Negotiating through a warm contact doesn’t mean you have to be less assertive. The goal is the same as any deal: clarity, respect, and alignment on what works for both sides.

Listen to the full episode of Gentle Power here: YouTube | Spotify | Apple

​

Best,

Gerta & Alex
​Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com

​

P.S. Are you job searching or have upcoming negotiations?

Book a free call with us, where we’ll learn more about your situation, offer some free tips, and explore if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call

P.P.S. Know someone who could use our help?

Refer them and earn $500.

We’ve paid out thousands to people who just made a simple intro. If your friend becomes a client, we’ll send you $500 - no strings attached; just our way of saying thank you for spreading the word.

Simply send an intro email to alex@yournegotiations.com and your friend.

See all the details of our referral program on our website here.