We had Mark Mirra on the podcast this week and within minutes he dropped a hot take. Mark runs a negotiation training firm called Aligned. He works with companies, training teams across functions like sales, procurement, and leadership on how to approach negotiation more strategically.

His hot take: Preparation is overrated.

Which is a bold thing to say when he literally teaches preparation for a living.

But he’s not saying wing it. He’s saying people hide behind preparation because it feels safe. You can sit with your spreadsheet. You can rehearse your lines. You can tweak your BATNA notes for the fifth time.

Then you get in the room and you forget where to begin as you’re holding all that math in your head.

You forget how to actually talk to another human.

You leak confidence. It’s a mess.

His thesis is: Preparation matters, but communication is where you make your money.

And we agree!

There’s a different topic we disagree on, further down.

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The CAR framework: Clear, Assertive, Respectful

Mark’s golden rule for negotiation is three words.

Clear. Assertive. Respectful.

Clear means you say what you actually want. No vague hints. No hoping they read between the lines.

Assertive means you have a spine. You are not apologizing for having goals.

Respectful means you do not turn into a different person just because the stakes are high.

He said something we love. “Be nice twice.”

Assume they might have had a bad day. Reset once. Then hold your boundary.

This is where so many people get it wrong. They think negotiation requires aggression. Or they swing too far and become overly accommodating.

You can be warm and firm at the same time. Those are not opposites.

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Negotiation is not a one-time event

Negotiation is not some loaded conversation that begins when you ask for more money and ends when someone signs a contract.

It is how you communicate throughout. Which means you are negotiating all the time!

With your team. With your partner. With your landlord. With yourself.

If you treat negotiation like a rare, high drama moment, you will panic. If you treat it like a daily skill, you relax. You get reps. You refine.

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Diagnose the deal before you begin: the four types of negotiation

One key framework Mark teaches is his breakdown of four types of negotiation. His point is simple. Before you react, diagnose the type of deal you are in.

Different dynamics require different mindsets.

1. Bargaining

Bargaining is what most people picture when they think of negotiation.

Mark defines it this way:

“Bargaining negotiations are about hunting for as much value as possible when value is finite.”

He is very direct about the structure:

“It's zero sum. What I get, you are likely losing.”

These negotiations are typically quantitative and often price driven. He described them as focusing on:

“price, volume, delivery time.”

They are usually transactional, one off, and characterized by many alternatives in the market. When value is finite and the relationship horizon is short, you are hunting for value.

2. Trading

Trading is still largely finite in value, but the relationship carries more weight.

As he put it, the shift is in mindset:

“If a bargaining negotiation is, I'm out there to hunt for value, a trading negotiation is, I wanna optimize value and tilt it in my favor…”

But there is a constraint:

“If I'm too heavy handed… they're not gonna look at me credibly.”

In trading negotiations, you are optimizing and tilting the deal in your favor while preserving credibility and long term viability. Many B2B contracts, renewals, and structured vendor relationships fall into this category.

3. Creating

Creating negotiations move beyond the assumption of a fixed pie.

Mark described it this way:

“We've now removed the shackles of finite value. We can create more value than there was before.”

These negotiations involve:

“balancing plenty of terms, both quantitative and qualitative.”

He also emphasized being:

“open to unconventional deal design.”

This is where you expand the range of terms, challenge default structures, and look for complementary interests that allow both sides to increase total value. These are typically more strategic, longer horizon relationships with fewer alternatives and greater interdependence.

4. Partnering

Partnering negotiations are high complexity and long term, but not necessarily high trust.

Using the example of corporations and unions, he explained:

“You're interdependent on success…”

Yet at the same time:

“More often than not, the union doesn't trust the company. The company doesn't trust the union…”

He described these as:

“long, arduous, stressful negotiations that will stretch you.”

Partnering negotiations involve deep interdependence, multiple stakeholders, extended timelines, and often significant tension. You cannot easily walk away, and you cannot navigate them alone.

What I appreciate about this framework is that it forces intentionality. Before you anchor, concede, or escalate, consider what type of negotiation you are actually in.

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Preparing is still important. So how to prepare?

When I asked Mark how someone should prepare, he did not start with tactics. He started with goals.

What do you want. Rank it.

What do they want. Rank it.

Where might you be aligned. Where might you collide.

This sounds obvious. It is not.

Most clients come to us obsessed with one variable they say they care about, usually cash.

Then we start pulling the thread.

Is title important?
Is scope important?
Is autonomy important?
Is career trajectory important?
Is equity actually the upside you care about?

So often the thing they thought was their top priority turns out to be priority #3.

When you clarify priorities, you start negotiating strategically.

Also, we are both allergic to scripting. If you sound like you memorized lines, you lose credibility. Understand the intention and main idea you’re going for, then say it in your own words.

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What to do when it starts going sideways?

One of my favorite parts of the conversation was his advice on what to do when a negotiation feels like it is slipping.

Pause.

Say you need time to think. Move to another topic.

People think powering through shows strength. Sometimes the strongest move is to slow the pace.

Confidence is controlled tempo. You do not have to answer everything instantly.

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We disagreed on an important topic: anchoring

Mark had another spicy take: Play your cards. Go first. Anchor.

This is common negotiation advice.

The reasoning is psychological. The first number creates gravity. Most people unconsciously adjust toward it. If you anchor high and credibly, you shape the conversation.

This is where we disagree. In many of our negotiations, especially job offers and investor conversations, the other side often has more information. If you anchor first, you risk capping your upside without realizing it.

What I like about this debate is not who is right. It is that there is no universal rule. Do not default to what you may have heard or read about negotiations. Diagnose the information dynamics. Then decide based on first principles - that’s our true anchor at YourNegotiations.com.

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The quote he hates and so do we

“You know it was a good negotiation when both sides leave a little unhappy.”

No.

Mutual dissatisfaction is not a badge of honor.

We believe a good negotiation is when both sides leave *happier* than before.

You can and should leave most negotiations energized.

You can leave thinking, that was professional, that was clean, that was clear.

That is not naïve. That is skill.

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PS: yes, she pavlov’d her husband

Mark told us a story that’s only tangentially related to negotiations (by way of behavioral sciences) that we cannot not share.

He once trained research scientists in the pet food industry. One scientist conducted a little experiment at home. She used a clicker before dinner for several weeks with her husband.

Click before meals. Repeat consistently.

Then one day she clicked it in a random context.

He started salivating and asking where lunch was.

Which means you obviously need to figure out what your manager’s favorite snack is, bring it to all your meetings, and become their favorite employee (who gets promoted quickly).

All jokes aside, humans are more programmable than we think. Patterns, cues, tone, timing. They all matter.

Which is exactly why communication, not just preparation, wins negotiations.

If you want to go deeper on this one, the full episode is out now.

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Warmly,

Gerta & Alex
​Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com

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P.S. Are you job searching or have upcoming negotiations?

Book a free call with us, where we’ll learn more about your situation, offer some free tips, and explore if we’re a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/alexhapki/call​

P.P.S. Know someone interested in negotiations?

Send them our way and we’ll thank you with $500 for each person who becomes a client. No cap.

A quick intro or an email to alex@yournegotiations.com works.