Hi Reader,

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We spoke to a divorce mediator… about negotiations!! 😆

Some quick backstory: A few weeks ago, Alex opened his laptop to start the work day. Sitting at the top of his inbox was an email with the words “divorce mediator” in the subject line.

He froze. Why was a divorce mediator emailing him?

After a brief moment of panic, he opened the email and saw it was something entirely different. The sender, Joe Dillon, had stumbled upon our podcast, Gentle Power (YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts), and wrote to us about how he was immediately drawn to our content given the overlap between what we do (help people negotiate compensation) and what he does (help couples have amicable divorces and stay out of court).

After a few great conversations, we invited Joe to be our podcast’s first-ever guest!

Below are the top highlights from our conversation, and you can check out the full episode here: YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts​

1. Avoid deciding before discovering

Joe has a mantra: “Don’t do the deciding before the discovery.” In divorce, that means gathering all the facts before locking onto a position.

The job offer equivalent is not fixating on a target number before you better understand the role’s budget, the company’s urgency to hire, and the full package they are willing to offer.
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2. Common mistakes in any negotiation

• Preconceived outcomes: Entering the negotiation convinced you already know what is “fair” and being resistant to adjusting when new facts emerge.
• Unrealistic comparisons: Using a friend’s situation as your benchmark without considering differences in context, like job title, market, or company resources.
• Letting emotions lead: Allowing frustration, resentment, or urgency to dictate your tone and choices instead of focusing on the outcome you want.
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3. Emotions are normal but do not let them run the show

Joe’s approach is to normalize feelings without letting them derail the process. In high-stakes talks, pressure and emotion are inevitable.

In offer negotiations, you rarely need to give an answer on the spot, even when you’re being pressured. You can always get back to them later, which gives you more time to strategize and craft the best response.

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4. Assume best intent

This applies everywhere. Whether it is a spouse in mediation or a recruiter across the table, going in with the belief that the other side wants a fair resolution keeps the conversation productive, helps you protect your leverage, and minimizes the chances of emotions running high and interfering with arriving at a deal, even in the rare cases the other party doesn’t have the best intent!

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5. Working with your spouse as your cofounder

Joe and his wife run their business together, so we compared notes on what makes that work. The top tips that emerged:

• Clear job descriptions and division of responsibilities.
• Separate business space from personal space (literally the physical space in your home), and define “office hours” to prevent work from bleeding into personal time.
• Most importantly, never forget that our spouse has our joint best interests in mind, especially when we have disagreements about business decisions. At the end of the day, we both care about the business doing well because it’s for our family and household.
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Joe’s world and ours might seem far apart, yet the overlap is real. We had a blast with this conversation, and hope you enjoy listening to it! Again, the full episode here: YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts​

Learn more about Joe and his work at EquitableMediation.com, or reach out to him directly at jdillon@equitablemediation.com.
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Best,

Gerta & Alex
​Co-founders, YourNegotiations.com

P.S. Know someone who could use our help?

Refer them and earn $500.

We’ve paid out thousands to people who just made a simple intro. If your friend becomes a client, we’ll send you $500 - no strings attached; just our way of saying thank you for spreading the word.

Simply send an intro email to alex@yournegotiations.com and your friend.

See all the details of our referral program on our website here.